Thankfulness

"Today is World Diabetes Day. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to live with this chronic disease. There are many moments when I cry, hurt, feel hopeless, frustrated, sick - but God blesses me through these times. Having this medical condition is an opportunity to live with intention and gratitude. It was almost 23 years ago when I found out - a ten year old girl in Mrs. Hewitt's fourth grade class. Life drastically changed that day. I continue to walk forward in faith. Life often feels hard, but I praise God more and more. There is so much to savor and appreciate."

This was the status update of one of my good friends from college. Because of her diabetes she has had many struggles having to do with that. It has made her life harder than most people's lives. Even watching all that she has gone through her attitude amazes me! I remember when I was in college no matter what was happening she always had a smile and some wonderful positive encouraging words to say. No one ever really knew how her struggles affected her life because the attitude she possessed about it was astounding. And still is. Looking back when you could tell she was not feeling well, she was probably sicker than any of us had been all year. She possesses something that I hope to soon possess and immediately start praying for...true thankfulness for all the things that happen in life.
What an amazing thing she chooses to do each day! The ability to look at all things in her life as blessings from the Lord. That is exactly what they are! I am a firm believer that there is a reason for everything and that the Lord has a plan no matter what. There are a lot of things that happen in my life that I consider very challenging, traumatic, and that I feel like are a big deal and a big part of my life. The truth is that I don't live with any chronic diseases, I don't have children who were born with life altering challenges, I have a wonderful supportive husband, and my life is pretty great. Don't get me wrong, there have been some pretty huge things that have happened and will happen again, but I don't have to face a chronic disease each and everyday to the point of taking medication and being hospitalized from time to time. My friend could and has every right to be angry and cry and question God. But she doesn't. She chooses to change her attitude and look at this daily obstacle as a blessing...a BLESSING! What a concept!?
My prayers have changed since reading my friends status. I pray that I can change my attitude about the obstacles that Satan throws my way. I pray that no matter what happens that my joy stays intact and that I can smile through the pain and know that I am in the Lord's hands and that He has a plan!
I pray that her outlook challenges all of us to change ours!! Thanksgiving the holiday is over, but the thanksgiving we give for all of our blessings and obstacles should be a daily thing everyday of the year!

Never Did I Ever

When I was growing up there were a list of things that my parents would say to me that I never thought I would say to my kids. There were the usuals: "because I said so", "were your born in a barn" and many others. There were also the things that I knew that I would say because, well, it comes with being a parent. Things like "Mommy and Daddy are talking", "pick up your toys or you cannot have ____ (fill in the blank)", "if you can't be nice you are going to bed", etc.
When I became a parent, I looked down at my beautiful daughter's face and could not get enough. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing at the cute things she did as the months went on. Then she started crawling and thus began the next group of sayings. The things I never thought I would say. The following are just some of the things that I have uttered as my daughter has grown:
"Stop licking the dog."
"Stop licking the floor."
"Stop licking your brother."
"Stop licking the cabinets."
"Stop licking the bathtub."
"Stop licking the door."
"The dogs tail is not a popsicle!"
"Braelyn, your brother is not a chew toy!"
"Please don't put Max's foot in your mouth."
"Stop wiping your bottom on the carpet!"
"Braelyn get out of the vasoline!"
"Braelyn stop taking your clothes off!"
"Don't take your panties off outside."
"Please don't pick your bottom while you are on the potty."
Well a few days ago there was another phrase that I uttered to my daughter. In the words of "Monk", here's what happened.
Braelyn was in her toy room playing and laughing. She got quiet so I looked over to see what she was doing. She was playing with her computer so I turned back around. My 2 month old son started crying to eat so I picked him up and started nursing him. A couple of minutes into nursing him Braelyn came over to me with no undies on and said "here you go Mommy". She had something in her hand so I said "thank you". As she started to turn her hand over and try to put it in my lap I got a whiff of what she was carrying. Oh yes, you guessed it, her poop. She was hand delivering her poop to me. In one second I thought "she doesn't know that this is wrong and how gross it is, she is only two and has never had to be scolded for anything like this. You can't yell. Keep it together and be calm when you do vocally react." So I said "Braelyn poopy is not a present. Please don't give it to people. Poopy stays in the toilet and if you have an accident it stays in your panties." Okay, the second part I think is a good reaction. After I said it I couldn't believe that is the route my brain decided to go with. I could just see it falling on my sons head as he was trying to eat and that grossed me out. That would mean a bath for him and pretty much a bath for Braelyn. Let's just say that the footprint she left on the kitchen floor on her way over was not made from mud.
 I can't even begin to imagine what she has in store for us in the coming years. There is never a dull moment and she ALWAYS knows how to make us laugh. But sometimes she is more creative than I would like. Oh the joys of parenthood. And she's only two!!

The Story Begins

On August 9th 2012 my life changed again...for the better, again.
Life was about to get even more wonderful and beautiful and happy. My husband and I were on our way to the hospital to have our second baby.

We arrived at the hospital at 7:30am, the nurses immediately started IV's and we were off to the next adventure of our 6 years of marriage. At 3:41pm, after 6 hours of labor and 10 minutes of pushing (all natural mind you), our 8 lb and 13 oz beautiful son Maddox was born.
I didn't realize how that feeling of awe just overwhelms your entire being all over again. Two and a half years before, we were in the same place doing this same thing and feeling overwhelmingly blessed to welcome our daughter, Braelyn, into our lives. I remember how drastically life changed when she was born. Life became more colorful and bright. It became more of what I thought it would be. More of me felt complete instantly. And God revealed himself in ways that are indescribable unless you have experienced it. And even then it is hard to put into words. I also remember feeling overwhelmed with responsibility and all those chaotic feelings that come along with that. I remember thinking "We are in charge of a human being. Oh my!" I remember how crazy and how wonderful everything got all at once, instantly, as soon as they put her on my chest. On August 9th at 3:41pm, I was amazed how all those same feelings came rushing back, instantly, the very moment that they laid him on my chest! Another beautiful baby to love and hold and cuddle. I felt immediately overwhelmed not only with those feelings but with the feeling of being overwhelmingly BLESSED! God had chosen to bless us again!

Still, in that same moment of feeling overwhelmingly blessed, a small part of me felt sad. My incredible family of three had been transformed into an even more incredible family of four. This little baby had made my life feel even more complete (if that was possible). I was so incredibly overwhelmed with happiness and joy, and yet at the same moment a small part of me still felt sad.

You see, in early January, my husband and I found out that we were pregnant. My daughter was 8 months old and we lived in a two bedroom apartment with barely enough room for the three of us. Needless to say I freaked! Ha! Where were we going to put another baby?? How did this happen?? I mean, I know how it happened, but...oh wow! I could not believe we were about to go down this road again so soon. I needed some more time. Turns out that was the exactly what I was about to get.

On April 1st, I went to the doctor for my first OB appointment. I was so excited now that we were headed down a road that would lead us to the sweet face of another little beautiful baby. I was 11 weeks along by now and the doc did the usual doppler to hear the heartbeat. We ended up getting an ultrasound. We hadn't learned anything at the ultrasound because the techs can't say anything. At the appointment the next morning my doctor confirmed our worst fears. I had miscarried. Not only did I miscarry, but we had twins...TWINS! What followed over the next few weeks were a roller coaster of emotions. There were so many things that we went through and dealt with. Things that people said (by the way don't ever tell someone who miscarried that the baby is better off because there was probably something wrong), things that we felt (fair and unfair to me and others). Everyday things became harder to do for a little bit. Bobby and I both dealt with a lot but we came through it (even though we never thought we would come through this terribly difficult and tragic thing) with a better understanding of God and each other and our family. We gained a new perspective on everything. God had revealed himself in ways that changed us forever. Our twins had changed us forever. If we did not have anymore kids after Max, we would always be a family of 6, only 2 of our little ones we won't get to meet until we get to Heaven. To be honest I'm a little jealous that my grandparents got to meet them first. I picture my Pappy sitting down with them on his knees talking and telling them stories (probably embarrassing ones) and laughing. My goal as a parent is to raise my children in Christ and to help them get to Heaven in every way possible. Two of my children are there with Christ waiting for me. I'd say that's a win.

I tell you all of this not to dig through all of this again and pour it all out there. It makes me a little uncomfortable to even bring it up and mention it without being asked to be honest. But something that some friends of mine and I talked about a couple weeks ago at church is that maybe when you feel uncomfortable you are doing what you are supposed to do. I want this blog to be a completely transparent blog. No hiding behind anything. My life is not perfect in any way, shape or form. I am flawed. I have a very strong and determined mindset and can be very stubborn. I make mistakes everyday. Most of the time several mistakes...by noon! My priorities in life are God, Bobby, kids, other family, and friends. That is in the correct order too. I am a Christian and love the Lord. I am working on being a better Christian though. I am a hypocrite, as every person is as long as they are human. I have a lot to work on and even more to learn still. I love to laugh and have a good time with people I care about. I intend to use this as a place to reflect on the craziness that life brings, good times, bad times, and funny stories (with 2 kids you know there will be some). I say this all so that you can get to know me and my crazy family. Life is an amazing thing. God has a lot to show us and it's not always fun, but it is sometimes funny. We all should be able to smile at ourselves and each other. One thing I have learned over the years is that God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good! Happy reading!